Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Work, Work, Work.

Now that the build is complete and the 'Digital Femme Brand' continues to have a physical presence in SL, I managed to sit down in the new dining room - alone. I wasn't too hungry. For the past two days I've been nibbling on chocolate chip cookies and expresso. So as you can see I was totally wired. Caffeine and chocolate may not be good for A.D.D. but heck, at least I finished the build in less than 24 hrs.

The sun was starting to rise and I didn't realize what time or what day it was. I am sure the delayed exhaustion will soon set it. Until then, I think I will continue to keep myself busy until I drop dead. *smiles* That's an English expression for, "fall asleep".

I decided to sit at the drafting table and plan out my next project and design. I've decided to focus on the style I love best.. which is ultra modern/minimalist/zen.

I realize that there are a sleuth of other design styles.. but I figure, I'd rather build what I LIKE. Besides, a true artist creates what he/she loves and not for the masses. Isn't that what art is all about? Subjective?

I plan on becoming known for a certain style and prefecting it. However, how can one perfect a style? And I also wonder how many designs can I create with just one style?

Surely, I'll probably osmose some other design style that I've seen or dreamt of or whatever ... that usually happens I am sure.

Oh well. I think I'll just sit here and see what the imagination can drum up.

One thing about A.D.D. - you can never run out of things to keep you busy. And BUSY is what I plan on being for the next couple of weeks until I can shake this break-up thing.

Hopefully, I'll wake up and forget .... or be so busy, immersed from one thing to another that if I ever do stop to think ... well, I might confuse the reality with a dream and just assume that all that WAS A DREAM.

Now, what to do, what to do ... hmmmmm .....

End of an Era :: Time for New Beginnings

End of an Era! What an understatement that is.

The parcel that I bought back in December where I first discovered that I could actually put two prims together, and where I had envisioned a place for myself (even if only in this world) where I could be 'me' (a me I did not have the chance to be in RL) was sold.

A 3 month SL relationship that flourished and survived its way in RL has ended.

And my 3 year and 1 month and 16 day old Powerbook, has died. Yup! I was working on a new build earlier today when SL crashed. I restarted and zilcho, nada, niete, nunca, you get the picture. When the computer powered up, I saw the APPLE logo for the last time ... then everything turned to a bluish hue. You got it, that infamous
"Blue Screen of Death" - the one that marks the end of life of a hard drive. Oh well. Now I really have to get a new laptop! YAY! DUO Core Processor here I come!

OMG! What do they say about 'bad things or bad news?' That they come in threes (3's)
Phew! I got my three, I guess everything gets better from here?

Hadn't had time to take photos much of my daily SL.

I ended up finding this priceless piece of parcel in the Beverly Hills Sim, fronting the water on a hill. 4096 sqm with DOUBLE Prims to boot and I only paid L$55000. Is that a deal or what?!

So, of course I've been busy rebuilding a Digital Femme Presence once again.

I also bought a nice piece of parcel nearby and on daily inspection found a piece of a house? on the land. It turned out to be a neighbours. She told me that "Oh by the way, I was going to buy the parcel you are on. I spoke to the owner to bring the price down from L$80000 to L$50000 and he did. I went looking for a house too fit the land and when I came back it was taken."

Hmmm, what was I suppose to say? I apologized perfusely but really what else was there to do. I was not about to give away Prime Real Estate - after all, it's all about LOCATION. LOCATION. LOCATION. *smiles* And believe you me, there are only a few peeps in SL that can say the live in Beverly Hills!

Which comes to mind.. I am starting to see the same ol' same ol' pattern of mine. Trying something new and once I find out I can do it - moving on to something else. Well, I've moved on to Real Estate. Not full throttle mind you, but just here and there little deals. Not even much but just a few. It's rather fun .. especially when you log on and find that your total Linden Dollar amount had suddenly increased.

I still need to find land for the art gallery. Hmmmm.. I just might turn that other parcel nearby Beverly Hills into the Art Gallery Home. Not sure if I can pull it off. Does having an art gallery constitute a "small business?"

I might do it anyway until I get a complaint or hear from one of the Sim admins.

Ohhhh how I love to tempt the rules *smiles*

Which by the way, I hardly ever follow RL rules. The only rules I will ever follow are the rules of the Universe.

Well, I've taken care of 2 solutions out of the three bad lucks. What to do with the other? Not sure. There is nothing I CAN do.

But I know me, and soon, I will learn to eject all remnants of the past and then it will only be a page in my book of life.

What was that saying I always touted for myself? Ah yes, Love and Let go, Love and Let go. The story of my life. Why should this be any different.

So glad I remembered that. It's funny how certain 'life themes' continue. I thought that surely this "Love and Let go" would be different this time around. Silly me! What was I thinking?!

Que Sera Sera!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Today, Love Hurts.

Today I will be weak.
I will walk into my 'secret garen' and allow myself to be vunerable.
I will share my vunerability here because it is like this: "If a tree falls down in a forest and you do not here it, did it still make a sound?"

If I sit here crying because I allow it and no one hears me or sees me, is my crying all in vain?

I say I am a photojournalist. And I am.

I take photographs of life with my eyes and try not to use my 'filters of perception' to distort the true meaning of the image that is captured and saved in my brain.

And for every photo ... every moment that is recorded, my heart has a caption.

Today my vision is blurred, thru the tears that cover my eyes and today my heart has this caption for what is blurred to me:

"Even when I did not know you
I knew you existed
My eyes do not have to see you
in order to know 'you are there'
but the meeting in avatar form
was but a mere window of opportunity
that the Universe did allow for us
to see what there was to see
not with our eyes but with our hearts.

Now my eyes are blurred but the
vision in my heart is still clear.
Your existence has become reality for me
and your love, a cosmic gift.

We really are two souls that have been seeking one another for many lifetimes.
So our meeting was not by chance. It was destiny.
That is what you always would say anyway.
But we still carry the burdens of a 3 dimensional world
and the HIGHER LOVE within us cannot exist freely
if we still choose to hold onto our ego's.

Why can't we just let go of these burdens?
Why can't we just bask in the LIGHT of our LOVE?
Why is our physical always trying to find ways
to destroy the spiritual?

Today, I do not have the anwser.
And I may never find that answers to those questions.
But I am sure that the answer is there.
It will present itself when my heart is ready to see.

Today, my heart can only see you.

I will miss you.

Parlez Vous Français?

Yes, yes, yes, I realize I am a week late with this post but I am not going to let another week go by without mentioning this here. I'm only a little disappointed, as this 'press party' was exactly that, for the 'press' to preview the new Jean-Paul Gaultier perfume "Fleur du Mâle".

My dear friend Ben Vanguard of www.slmen.comwas fortunate enough to experience a double reality! His job in RL working for a famous Ad Ageny in Paris met with his project in SL, creating For him he can truly say, "WORLD's COLLIDE!" Bravo Ben!

Well, the French did it again! Always at the cutting edge of Fashion and Style, and now they've managed to bring their marketing strategies into this generation's newest and hottest platform, 3D Web.

Vera Wang, Michael Kors. eat your heart out!

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Faces of me ...

Upon entering Second Life

In love

Still in love

After the divorce - hey, they say that hair holds a memory, so I had to chop it off. Yes. The Divorce actually hurt - even if it was only SL.

Recovering and starting to become ME again .. but not quite.

It's the end of an era.

I now wonder about that era, especially when it never really seemed to 'take off' the way it was supposed to.
I had a dream. I had a plan. I thought I executed it pretty well.
I bought land, I built on it, landscaped it and soon it had occupants that actually liked to stay. I thought of expanding into what I had always wanted to do in RL - open are Art Gallery.

An Art Gallery. It was to be my 'baby'. Something that would keep me busy and in touch with the art world both in SL and RL.
I could actually realize my dream and it would also be a place to display my digital photos in another venue.

Then something happened that came so suddenly.
I had forgotten my dream, my plan, I had abandoned my Second Life for the 'time and acceptance' of someone that did not even care what I did. *sigh*

I was stumped. As a woman, I fell into that mode of 'leaving my dreams and projects and work just to spend time with a man that did not really support me, unless it involved 'something for him'. *sigh*

My land. My 21000+ sqm land that I bought back in December '06 - I sold. I sold it on an emotional whim.
I sold it to prove to this man that I was 'not attached to virtual land'. I sold it to prove that I could have what it takes to do business .. when all along, I always KNEW I was good in sales and was very good with people.

He just never saw that. He thought he knew way more than I because of what I was in RL. But he did not even KNOW ME. He did not know my skills or talents or strength (or perhaps he refused to see them) ... he did not take the time to see what was in front of him all along.

This was not his fault. It was mine. I made decisions based on the mere fact that I wanted him to still love me.
When in fact, I NEEDED to LOVE MYSELF.

Hmmmm, you live and you learn. Even in SL you live and learn.

Where do I stand now?

I am not sure.

I know I need to regain the ME that I had forgotten about. I think I have regained ME. I am strong, I am talented, I have skills, I am likeable and most important I do not 'HAVE TO' or WILL never need to prove to anyone WHO I AM and WHAT I AM.

The only person that needs to be sure of that is - ME. After all, it is ME who has to ultimately live within my own SKIN.

I have blogged about this very issue of women BEING WHO THEY ARE, despite what any man or anyone says, and well, I fell.
Am I angry? Oh yes! I am angry at myself. I am disappointed that I allowed things to happen in my second life this way. It was my choice to do what I wanted to do even if the underlying reasons were wrong.

But I am back again on the right track. I am ME again, and this energy alone was enough to meet wonderful people these past few days that actually appreciate my skills and ME.

I will be very busy with my SL projects and I am excited to get back to the swing of things, PRE-MAN *smiles*

The Art Gallery is gone. The owner of the land that I sold to deleted it. *sighs* Oh well, I can always rebuild another one. The thing that gets to me though.. is now, I feel I have to START MY SL ALL OVER AGAIN ... when I should not have to.

Take note female readers ... always listen to your 'gut instinct' - it never steers you wrong. NEVER.

For the past few months, I had mine MUTED.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

After finally finished building the 'Theatre in the Park' I had to stop and take a rest. I sat on the stool on the stage and imagined a crowd of avatars all sitting and cheering .. or listening intently to whatever was going on at the front.
Someday, this stage will bring in all forms of talent that people can appreciate.
Someday, this stage will hold up an avatar whose words and ideas will resonate among the masses.
Someday, a poem will be recited here .. and it will touch the heart of one person.
That was then...

I found this photograph that was taken when the equipement was added to the stage.
I later took down the 'Theatre in the Park' after having a talk with my good friend Rosedrop Rust .. about 'live streaming'.
I wanted the Emerald Isle to be a place where people can feel safe to live, work and play.
I had to rethink the Theatre location.
I didn't want to create unnecessary lag for the residence so I chose not to have the Theatre at Emerald.
For now, the build sits in my inventory along with all the other lighting and sound equipment .. waiting for a home.


There's nothing like spinning a set of great tunes for a great crowd at a great venue!
I would mention the name of the place but for the life of me .. the name slipped my mind.
It was one of those nights that even an avatar like me can place on her list of "things I did that were WOW!"
This was definitely a WOW experience. All you need to know was that the Bee Gee's never sounded so good!