Monday, March 26, 2007

Today, Love Hurts.

Today I will be weak.
I will walk into my 'secret garen' and allow myself to be vunerable.
I will share my vunerability here because it is like this: "If a tree falls down in a forest and you do not here it, did it still make a sound?"

If I sit here crying because I allow it and no one hears me or sees me, is my crying all in vain?

I say I am a photojournalist. And I am.

I take photographs of life with my eyes and try not to use my 'filters of perception' to distort the true meaning of the image that is captured and saved in my brain.

And for every photo ... every moment that is recorded, my heart has a caption.

Today my vision is blurred, thru the tears that cover my eyes and today my heart has this caption for what is blurred to me:

"Even when I did not know you
I knew you existed
My eyes do not have to see you
in order to know 'you are there'
but the meeting in avatar form
was but a mere window of opportunity
that the Universe did allow for us
to see what there was to see
not with our eyes but with our hearts.

Now my eyes are blurred but the
vision in my heart is still clear.
Your existence has become reality for me
and your love, a cosmic gift.

We really are two souls that have been seeking one another for many lifetimes.
So our meeting was not by chance. It was destiny.
That is what you always would say anyway.
But we still carry the burdens of a 3 dimensional world
and the HIGHER LOVE within us cannot exist freely
if we still choose to hold onto our ego's.

Why can't we just let go of these burdens?
Why can't we just bask in the LIGHT of our LOVE?
Why is our physical always trying to find ways
to destroy the spiritual?

Today, I do not have the anwser.
And I may never find that answers to those questions.
But I am sure that the answer is there.
It will present itself when my heart is ready to see.

Today, my heart can only see you.

I will miss you.


Fim Fischer said...

My dearest Ysabel,

remember when we met first, i told you... i don't want to change you and i don't want you to change me.

Remember when we spoke about relationships, that often one part of the the realtionship try to change the other part .. and after a while, one notice.. thats not the person i fell in love with... and they go apart...

I did not tried to change you.
I now know, that there is no intention to change the partner needed, that the role of one part of a couple changes.

You became a cuddly pussycat.
I will miss the tough business women, which went lost long ago...

I fell in love with that women, older than me with a young heart and a kind soul, which i met at my watches store.

I am are back on track.

I will miss you.

Ysabel Isabella said...

Dear Fim,


Yes, I remember.
And I have not changed at all. I just needed to put away the 'tough business woman' side, until you were able to accept and understand that strength in me and not see it as 'competition', but as a learned process from my life.

You would always only SEE me as 'my real life job' and never respected the thoughts I had or the decisions I wanted to make.

You thought I had 'no experience' with such things. You would get upset and angry, you remember? You would not want to listen to what I had to say. And in the end, I would be right. *smiles* (sometimes)

I am happy that you now accept that part of me, and that you can respect that 'strength' in me and that you realize that I am not 'dumb'. *smile*

I always knew "what I was" and "what I can do", it was you that did not want to see.

A relationship is about growing together. You know that. When one is down, the other picks up ann vice versa. What one cannot give, the other gives and vice versa. And what one cannot yet understand and accept, the other allows for time to step in and to allow the other to see what they need to see, - in their own time.

No, you are right, you never changed me. The only thing that changed was your perception of me.

You now can see me as your equal. You now know that I am not weak, and that I have strengths and skills that will be useful to us, as a couple.


A relationship is never 50/50. Sometimes one can only give 40 and the other 60%. Sometimes the other can other can only give 10 and the other 90%. As long as we work together. That is all that matters.

I need you to be my strength where I am weak. Let me be your strength where you are weak.

Together we can be very strong. Remember 1st TOUCH?

Now, you have left me alone.
I will always be the ME that you met, only now, you are not there.

We are better together than when we are apart. When will you see that?

Like always, I will let time work its way, and I will cross my fingers.

Always remember, this was 'your' choice and not mine.

I love you.

Fim Fischer said...

17:16] Ysabel Isabella: (Saved Tue Mar 27 22:26:41 2007) where are you?

[17:16] Ysabel Isabella: (Saved Tue Mar 27 22:26:54 2007) are you using your alt av?

[17:16] Ysabel Isabella: (Saved Wed Mar 28 00:19:32 2007) are you there?

[17:20] Fim Fischer: Hello Ysabel. I don't use a alt avatar. I just woke up. Currently there is no reason to be on SL... for me.

Ysabel Isabella said...

No reason to be in SL .... I see.
That is because you KNOW I am in SL. Hmmm.. I understand perfectly. In my own way and in my own perception - of what is my reality during these times... I understand.