Sunday, March 25, 2007

It's the end of an era.

I now wonder about that era, especially when it never really seemed to 'take off' the way it was supposed to.
I had a dream. I had a plan. I thought I executed it pretty well.
I bought land, I built on it, landscaped it and soon it had occupants that actually liked to stay. I thought of expanding into what I had always wanted to do in RL - open are Art Gallery.

An Art Gallery. It was to be my 'baby'. Something that would keep me busy and in touch with the art world both in SL and RL.
I could actually realize my dream and it would also be a place to display my digital photos in another venue.

Then something happened that came so suddenly.
I had forgotten my dream, my plan, I had abandoned my Second Life for the 'time and acceptance' of someone that did not even care what I did. *sigh*

I was stumped. As a woman, I fell into that mode of 'leaving my dreams and projects and work just to spend time with a man that did not really support me, unless it involved 'something for him'. *sigh*

My land. My 21000+ sqm land that I bought back in December '06 - I sold. I sold it on an emotional whim.
I sold it to prove to this man that I was 'not attached to virtual land'. I sold it to prove that I could have what it takes to do business .. when all along, I always KNEW I was good in sales and was very good with people.

He just never saw that. He thought he knew way more than I because of what I was in RL. But he did not even KNOW ME. He did not know my skills or talents or strength (or perhaps he refused to see them) ... he did not take the time to see what was in front of him all along.

This was not his fault. It was mine. I made decisions based on the mere fact that I wanted him to still love me.
When in fact, I NEEDED to LOVE MYSELF.

Hmmmm, you live and you learn. Even in SL you live and learn.

Where do I stand now?

I am not sure.

I know I need to regain the ME that I had forgotten about. I think I have regained ME. I am strong, I am talented, I have skills, I am likeable and most important I do not 'HAVE TO' or WILL never need to prove to anyone WHO I AM and WHAT I AM.

The only person that needs to be sure of that is - ME. After all, it is ME who has to ultimately live within my own SKIN.

I have blogged about this very issue of women BEING WHO THEY ARE, despite what any man or anyone says, and well, I fell.
Am I angry? Oh yes! I am angry at myself. I am disappointed that I allowed things to happen in my second life this way. It was my choice to do what I wanted to do even if the underlying reasons were wrong.

But I am back again on the right track. I am ME again, and this energy alone was enough to meet wonderful people these past few days that actually appreciate my skills and ME.

I will be very busy with my SL projects and I am excited to get back to the swing of things, PRE-MAN *smiles*

The Art Gallery is gone. The owner of the land that I sold to deleted it. *sighs* Oh well, I can always rebuild another one. The thing that gets to me though.. is now, I feel I have to START MY SL ALL OVER AGAIN ... when I should not have to.

Take note female readers ... always listen to your 'gut instinct' - it never steers you wrong. NEVER.

For the past few months, I had mine MUTED.

1 comment:

Fim Fischer said...

My dearest Ysabel,

copy and pasting this expression out of your profiles which is spreaded around the world, in many blogs, and at your avatars profil:

'A Free Spirit that can never be attached to the Material nor Emotion. Without Integrity you are nothing.'

Remember... i told you .. you deceive yourself.
You went upset, really mad...

You told me once, you want being asked for it.
I did not asked you to to prove your love.
I asked you to prove yourself, where you are, at the ladder you are going to climb.

Welcome back, building the basement *smile*

I am me, i am free.
We had a wonderful time, learning...

You are free...